Being Honest!

Yesterday after my OB appointment I was a little bit of a mess. I am going to blame it 100% on sleep deprivation, and hormones! I was a little irritated about having to wait at the clinic for so long, and then to have a fill in doc (this I knew about) and not really care for her personality, or shall I say lack of. Then to get the news that she would like me to have a NST made me even more uncertain. My mom is going to be gone this weekend, and so is my mother in law, so if I do by some crazy thing have the baby, the two people (besides my lovely hubby) that I want to see her first won't be there. It was just one of those days, and I broke down and just cried. After a cuddly hug from my son (who was being a little bit of a stinker) and a question of "mommy, you okay?" and also a great nap I felt much better. I am not going to say I felt like everything was great, I still felt run down, but to know that even if we do have the baby this weekend things will be fine. I do have to once again blame it on hormones!

Anyone else ever have a day like that when you were or are pregnant? This is only my second one, and with Dawson, I don't think anything ever brought me down. Am I normal??

Also, I have realized that this being my second baby, I am much more anxious about the delivery. I guess because I know what happens this time. Yes, I am very proud to say I handled the last one naturally, and plan to do this one as well. However I keep thinking "what if______?" I know I am not a failure if I take the pain meds, and I know I am not a failure if I have to have a c-section, but part of me feels like I would be being I have done it once. (I am being honest here remember?!)

I also keep thinking our daughter is going to come out the size of a toddler...being Dawson was 7.2 and he was born at just about 36 weeks! -Yes, my dates were right on. Chris is a very tall man, and was 10lbs when he was born! She figured if I would have gone to term with Dawson he would have been a 10# as well! So, what if this baby is?? Can my body handle it? Although I have to say, my belly is considerably smaller this time around, but figure it was just because I was carrying the weight so differently.

My decision is the baby should wait until Monday when my normal doc comes back to town, and also, that she should be born on Monday before she gets too giant! I only wish they could truly tell me how big they think she is...they are hesitant to even guess. So, maybe I will do one of those crazy polls. Anyone up for it?

Okay, I am starting to babble, and this really sounds like a diary entry or something vs. my normal blog posting...but wanted to get it off my thoughts. I know God is in control, and He will have her be born when He is ready for her to come into the world. Just knowing, and setting that into my mind are two totally different things!